bizarre: (Default)
I cried my eyes out. Now I'm going for ice cream. Because. Fuck that.
bizarre: (Ian/Mer HOTR 7.15.06 - 01)
Dear Ian -

Today marks 3 years since you left us.

Ian and Loki

Valentine's Day is a bittersweet holiday. Mostly because of how close it is to when you left.

I start thinking about all of the things that I wish I could have shared with you over the last year. And I think about all of that people that love you and miss you. And I cry. People keep telling me that it will hurt less as time goes on. I am still waiting for that to happen.

I texted with your mom earlier this week. We seem to struggle with things around the same time and reach out to one another. It can be comforting, but it also reminds me of all of the other people that are missing you too.

I suppose this is the part of the letter where I tell you what I have been doing the last year. I bought out my car lease. And then I installed a fancy car stereo. The first song I played on it was Ace of Spades, for you. You always controlled my car stereo. Why should that change now? I still preset all of the radio stations that you required. All of the AM stations, including the ones for Milwaukee - so that you could listen to games, no matter where they were playing on the radio. I still haven't figured out what I am doing wrong with sharing your playlists on Spotify.

Random stuff: I went back to work for my old boss at DWD. I still see my therapist every few weeks. I still mention you at least once per session. Winter hasn't been overly awful this year. I changed from an iPhone to a Pixel and I regret doing it. I am hoping the next iPhone doesn't suck. My boss is enjoying my pain - struggling with Android. Loki is 11 this year. Our baby is getting so old. :(

I miss you so, so much. I wish you were still here.

I love you.
I miss you.
I hope you're at peace.


February 2017

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